


Ambivalence

by quoll



Category: Crash Bandicoot (Video Games)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Time bomb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quoll/pseuds/quoll
Summary: It's Halloween at Castle Cortex, and everyone is in the spirit, except for one person...
Relationships: N. Tropy/N. Gin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	1. Turn off the Sun

Scary bats, pumpkins, _candy_ … everything wonderful about this time of year was slowly being dragged out of storage and strewn all over the cafeteria. N Gin was the self appointed leader of decorating the castle, as he was every year. Various lab assistants meandered around with boxes and sparkly purple garland that would soon be strewn about the Great Hall.

“Perfect, set the bats over there, I need to see how many there are.” Gin motioned for one of the nameless clones to place the box’s contents on the metal table. He looked down at his checklist, which was a few words followed by numerous crude doodles of his grand Halloween vision.

This year was going to be _big_. They hosted an annual Halloween party for other villains to mingle and network, and each year he had to up the ante. Much to his frustration, this particular year he’d also gotten a late start on festivities due to one of his migraines. He tapped the pencil against his chin as he thought.

The assistants were decent, but for the most part the androids could only function when a task was given to them; he needed someone that could think of their own will to help him come up with a great plan. Cortex was out of the question. As much as he enjoyed Halloween and the party, he was busy with plans of his own. He had a lot of gloating to prepare for and airs to put on, after all.

He didn’t particularly trust Tiny with something as delicate as this, especially after last year when he tried to eat one of the foam rat sculptures… Brio was busy planning the various cocktails and creating the perfect punch... That only really left one person he could ask. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen much of Nefarious at all lately. He did typically keep to himself, but he hadn’t seen him in days. This was a joyous occasion, and there were festivities to plan- how could he be a hermit at a time like this?

“I will be back, please continue working on sorting the decorations.” N Gin left the assistants to their duties and wandered off through the castle in search of Nefarious. In typical fashion, he was distracted by the murals on the ceiling and beautiful tapestries that lined the drafty hallway. He had walked this path so many times it was a wonder the stone floor wasn’t worn. He continued his journey through the castle’s winding hallways, and allowed his mind to wander as he followed the well rehearsed trail.

Nefarious did always have a habit of disappearing around this time of year but he’d never tried to figure out the reason why. He always chalked it up to his dislike of anything festive where Cortex was the center of attention. The man was indeed that shallow, but Gin had a gnawing feeling there was something more to it than that, he just couldn't imagine what it could possibly be.

He wracked his brain, brow furrowed in thought as he muttered aloud to himself, voice echoing as faint whispers in the massive hallway. Nefarious was quite reserved about many aspects of himself, his feelings being one of those areas. N Gin freely talked about his own, but it had been a challenge to get Tropy to signal any emotion other than anger or annoyance. The longer he walked, and the more he thought, the more concerned he grew. This was a pattern- something was wrong. But what?

He bumped into a bookcase in his distracted state and looked at it curiously. This wasn’t here before. Typically, this was the entrance to Nefarious’ lab, but right now it was barricaded and camouflaged by a large wooden shelf. It was so neatly arranged, one would just walk right past it without any knowledge that behind there was an expansive world of platinum and glowing green constructs.

Gin pushed it aside enough to wedge himself between the shelves and make his way into the lab. He felt he didn’t need an invitation, and judging by the lengths he’d gone to be alone, he wouldn’t be granted entry anyway if he announced his visit. 

In the corner, slouched over his workbench, was Nefarious, working by a harsh goose-neck lamp. The room itself was bathed in a pale green ethereal glow from the prototype reactor machines and gave it almost a dreamy, underwater feeling. N Gin love it in here, even though the largely barren space did leave him a bit anxious.

His footsteps echoed on the tile and announced his arrival, but this did not cause Nefarious to budge. They were well acquainted with one another footfalls, after all. Gin quietly made his way over to his companion and hugged him from behind. He felt cool hands rest on his own, their fingers then laced together and Nefarious rubbed over his knuckles with his thumb in silent reassurance as he continued working on his project.

“I have a favor to ask...”

“I’m almost afraid to know. Usually your favors end with explosions.” He removed his glasses and turned to face N Gin.

“I’m decorating for the Halloween party, would you mind helping me? There is so much to do and so little time, I only have two days.”

“I suppose you should have started earlier.” He clucked his tongue and paused before adding, “No thank you, I’m very busy.”

“Nef-”

“I don’t want to help, why are you making such a big deal out of this?” He scoffed.

N Gin blinked in surprise, “Why are you being defensive?”

“I’m not being defensive. _You_ are the one being defensive.” Tropy huffed. N Gin stood there, bewildered at what exactly was going on. He felt like he had walked into the middle of a conversation and missed some vital component. Rather than wonder, he decided to call him on it.

“You always act so strange around this time of year, why is that?”

“Excuse me?”

“You just disappear and you are so…” He struggled for a better word, but could find none, “moody.” 

“I am not _moody_.” Nefarious clearly took offense to that word and turned his back on the man to resume angrily tinkering with whatever he was working on. N Gin just couldn’t let this pass, however.

“Is it Halloween? Do the festivities not excite you?”

“There is nothing wrong with Halloween...”

“Ohhh, wait I think I understand. It is the spiders! I know you are afraid of them, I took them all down-”

“It isn’t the spiders.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead in soothing motions to still whatever frustration was bubbling beneath the surface, “There are… _other things_ on my mind.”

“Like what?” Gin asked curiously. Knowing Nefarious, it could literally be anything, and the pool of guesses was too overwhelming to even begin fishing for an answer. Nefarious seemed to feel his incessant staring and relented with a dramatic sigh.

“There is… a certain time of year where we celebrate our existence on this miserable rock...” Tropy said awkwardly and hunched further down. A certain time of year… Wait!

“It’s your birthday!” N Gin exclaimed, suddenly giddy at learning this secret. How had he known the man for so many years without ever discovering his birthday? He bounced a little, clearly excited, “Halloween is your birthday! Oh! We have to celebrate!”

“There is _nothing_ to celebrate-”

“Don’t be that way.” Gin nudged him playfully, “We could have so much fun. There will be so many streamers, and games, and I will make a _cake_ and-”

“ _Absolutely not_. I do not want to celebrate my birthday. It is _just_ another day.” Tropy snapped with a glower.

N Gin visibly deflated as his daydream was crushed, “But why not?”

“What is there to celebrate about another year closer to death?”

“Oh but it is so much more than that!” He swooned. He _loved_ birthdays, he’d always fantasized about having a big surprise party with lots of balloons and cake, surrounded by all of his friends. He’d seen it on television and wanted that for himself, and he didn’t understand how Nefarious wouldn’t want the same.

“N Gin.” Nefarious pulled him out of his musings, looking at him intently, “It really is just _another day_. Please leave it at that. It’s a complicated and personal matter, and I would like for it to remain as such.”

He processed the situation and held his silence for a time. Nefarious would not budge and it distressed him greatly. He cared about the man, and he naturally wanted to do something to brighten his day and help him get over this strange misery he held about this occasion. Gin thought for a moment then said knowingly, “You have the birthday blues.”

“The _what_?” The other said incredulously.

“The birthday blues. It is a real thing, it is when you are depressed about your birthday for one reason or another. I have experienced this, but I always do something fun on that day to make myself feel better.” N Gin nodded, satisfied with his analysis of the situation, “Which means we need to do something fun to help _you_ feel better.”

“I don’t…” Nefarious began but trailed off. He drummed his fingers on the desk and appeared to be struggling to form a response.

“What is something you would like to do?”

Tropy mulled over his question then looked to Gin, “I would like to be left _alone_.”

“But…”

“Gin.” He began, voice tight with growing impatience, “I want to be alone.”

Nefarious turned away from him once more and offered him nothing. With a dejected wheeze, Gin accepted defeat and left the man to his sulking. He had to do something to make him feel better, but what _could_ he do? He knew a party would likely result in an overload, and perhaps an explosive aftermath… but just letting the day go by without any sort of acknowledgement? He couldn’t fathom that.

He trudged along the familiar path to the Great Hall and began decorating once more. At first, his enthusiasm was drained, all he could think of was Nefarious sitting in his lab in isolation, but the longer he carried on his tasks the more he began to think of the situation differently, and an idea slowly began forming in his mind.


	2. Turn on the moon

The day of the party had finally come, and it was in full swing. Over a hundred people had showed up and the Great Hall was packed to the brim with people engaging in dancing, singing, and other festivities. There were countless pranks to be had, and one of their parties would not be complete without the occasional scream or yelp. 

Gin leaned against the wall and rubbed his temple, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow with a grimace as another scream followed up with boisterous laughter filled and echoed through the room. All of these ‘festivities’ were giving him a throbbing headache. He’d come over here to the corner to take a moment’s reprieve and drink an effervescent tablet. Being here by himself gave him a moment to think, as well, about the current situation.

Though he giggled and participated in festivities with the others, he wasn’t actually ‘there’. There was a sharp disconnect between himself and his brain and he felt like a mere passenger in his body. His mind was heavily preoccupied and the longer the night went on, the worse it got. There was only one thought that continuously circled- _Nefarious_. 

“Everyone gather around for apple bobbing.” Cortex called out, lifting his vampire cape dramatically with a wide smile on his features while Brio wheeled a barrel sloshing with water and apples, “Step right up! Just watch yourselves, some of these apples have a _nasty_ surprise waiting inside...”

There was a wave of laughter. N Gin joined with a small chuckle. He didn’t like the apple bobbing game, last year he’d been unfortunate to grab one of the poisoned apples and was sick for weeks. Now would be the perfect, and possibly only, opportunity to leave unnoticed. He glanced between the barrel and the door and slowly made his way towards the exit. While everyone was busy and clamoring around Cortex, he slipped out, and went to go find his partner, but not without first making a stop by the kitchen.

He retrieved what he was looking for and sat it carefully in a basket. It was a perfect fit and should be a sufficient vessel. As he carried it through the desolate halls he giggled to himself in eager anticipation, and some nervous. On one hand, he worried his actions would offend Nefarious... but on the other hand, doing absolutely nothing gave him an overwhelming pang of guilt. Maybe he was being selfish and doing this to appease himself, but he wanted to believe that it went deeper than that. He truly wanted to see the man happy.

Gin looked up once more to the towering wall of books that blocked his path, but the little wedge N Gin had created in the days prior had not been sealed off. Nefarious had never bothered pushing the shelves back together, much to his own relief. He stepped forward and squeezed between them, being mindful of the basket, as he made his way inside the laboratory.

What greeted him intrigued him. Nefarious was sitting on the floor of his lab in casual attire, a lantern resting beside him and bathing the area in a pale orange glow. He was flipping through an album, seemingly studying each page and lingering before flipping to the next. His face was devoid of expression, until he noticed N Gin standing there. Eyes wide, he snapped the book shut and held it defensively to himself in an instinctive attempt to hide it.

The display was strange, but Gin just rolled with it, “I uh, thought I would find you here… what are you doing?”

“Nothing. Why aren’t you at your party?” Nefarious glanced at one of the many clocks on the wall then back to N Gin, “It’s not even eleven.”

Muffled jeering could be heard from down the hall, a sure sign that someone got a poison apple. Gin chuckled and shrugged, “It just isn’t any fun without you there. Do you care if I sit with you?”

Tropy regarded him in silence then nodded, still clutching the album to his torso in secrecy. The little cyborg took a seat and placed the basket beside him. The other man was clearly very curious about it as he completely ignored N Gin to openly stare at it, “What’s that for?”

“You will see later.” Gin waved him off then motioned to the album in his arms, “What is this?”

After several moments of glaring and scrutiny, he relented and cautiously lowered it to hand to his partner. Gin accepted it and looked at the cover of the worn book. In the middle was a photo, a happy family all together. It took him a moment before its significance dawned on him. He opened the book and began pouring over the pages with curiosity and appreciation.

“Is this your family?” N Gin looked over the pictures, many of them faded and their details lost to time. They were well worn and battered, a clear sign of their use and age. Gin had never really thought of Nefarious as having an actual family. He had never talked about them, and though he had wandered many times in the past about what his kin were like, he’d never found it appropriate to ask.

Nefarious nodded and flipped through some of the loose pictures idly. No words were exchanged between them as N Gin continued to flip through the pages. Pictures were sparse through the album, but there was still plenty to see. 

There were people he presumed to be his parents, and siblings? Or perhaps cousins, he wasn’t sure. There were pets, various reptiles, a bird, two cats. Extended family was present, as well as some photographs of the landscape and his home. Nefarious himself looked very happy the pictures, which was such a deep contrast to the sullen man that sat before him now.

He gingerly sat the album down and looked at it thoughtfully. Did he miss his family? He supposed that would make sense. How old was Tropy anyway? Was any of his family still alive? These were questions he could not bring himself to ask, it felt too invasive, especially in a vulnerable moment such as this. He watched Nefarious a moment before remembering his initial reason for coming here, “I have something for you.”

He looked at the basket once more, and a visible wave of dread washed over him as he realized what was going on, “N Gin…”

“It is okay, I think you will like this.” He pulled the basket over and withdrew the contents inside, a large glass pan with a cake. Nefarious sat the pictures down and stared at it, brow furrowed in an unreadable expression.

“I know you said you did not want to celebrate… but it doesn’t feel right. It feels… _wrong_ leaving you to sit here by yourself…” Gin shook his head, ears suddenly burning as he muttered, “S-szeretlek…” 

Nefarious raised his brows and N Gin cleared his throat. Could he understand him? Either way, he giggled nervously and continued, “It is not much… but happy birthday.” 

He presented the pan with a single lit candle residing in the middle. Tropy made a face that was difficult for N Gin to read. At first he appeared angry, but it became apparent that was not the case when his tightly set jaw relaxed and the adam’s apple in his throat bobbed with an audible gulp. He turned to look at his colleague with silent scrutiny.

“I remember you talked a while before about missing basbousa, and I thought that maybe you might… u-um...” He trailed off and withered internally under his intense stare. He wondered if he had done something that crossed a boundary and perhaps offended him. It felt like an eternity went by until Tropy turned his attention back to the confection.

N Gin couldn’t tell by his expression if he was repulsed or delighted, nothing there or in between seemed to describe what he was seeing. Something was happening in that brain of his, but Gin didn’t pry. It was clearly some sort of intimate moment, and he understood, at least to the best of his ability.

“You know, I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was a boy. My mother would always make a cake. _This_ cake. We didn’t really have much then, but she managed every year…” He said softly as he stared in a trance-like state at the flickering flame of the candle.

Another silence followed before he added a soft, “Thank you.”

Nefarious blew out the candle and laid it to the side before dividing the confection into a small diamond, “Here. Have some with me.”

“Are you sure? I made it for you.” N Gin looked down at the fork being offered to him and shook his head, “No, no, _you_ have to have the first bite-”

“Your superstitions are silly.” He offered him the fork again and Gin gave in and took a bite of the cake. It was delicious, sweet but not cloying, and he was surprised at just how incredibly soft it was. He couldn’t believe he’d actually managed to make something like this, but he stopped chewing as he watched nervously when Nefarious went to try it himself.

He carefully took a bite and no immediate action followed after, he merely sat in place, fork barely touching his lips as he stared off at nothing in particular. Then, he began chewing slowly, seemingly savoring it, and closed his eyes with a quiet sigh.

“Do you… do you like it?” N Gin asked and tapped his fingers together anxiously. There was no response at first. Nefarious seemed to be off in his own world even long after the bite had been swallowed. Even the party had fallen silent for the moment and all that could be heard was the gentle ticking of dozens of clocks.

After what felt like an eternity, Nefarious opened his eyes and turned to his companion, “I love it.”

He lifted his arm as an invitation for N Gin to nestle beside him and there was no hesitation on his part. Gin scooted close and rested his head on his companion’s chest. The man enveloped him, squeezing him tightly to his side. They stayed like this for a while, quietly eating while nestled together, the only sound was the party in echoing through the halls of the castle and fork scraping on glass.

“You’re missing your party.” Nefarious broke the silence.

He shrugged, “It sounds like they’re doing just fine without me. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than here.”

Nefarious smile at him, the sight of which made Gin’s heart swell. It wasn’t that he never smiled, but he rarely did so without some sort of malice behind it. This was a genuine smile that touched his eyes and softened his face. 

Gin mirrored his smile then giggled quietly, “What did you wish for?”

“What?” He looked at him curiously.

“When you blew out the candle, what did you wish for?”

“Don’t you have some silly superstition that if I tell you, it won’t come true?” Nefarious snickered. That much was true, but he was terribly curious what sorts of things his partner longed for, what his deepest wishes were. He wanted to fulfill those, if he could, but he couldn’t voice that, the words simply wouldn’t come. Instead he just stared at him and nodded, which earned another chuckle from Tropy.

He relented, “I suppose it couldn’t hurt… I wished for many more moments like these.”

Hearing that warmed him and filled his heart to bursting. Gin nestled into him further and the man returned the affection in kind by squeezing him again. The cake had been forgotten and all there was now was the two of them residing in one another’s company, and he couldn’t imagine anything better than that.

“Happy Birthday, Nef.”

“Happy Halloween, Gin.”


End file.
